He’s known as Carrie Bradshaw’s other half in Sex and the City or one half of a crack detective team on Law & Order: Criminal Intent but Chris Noth has added another title on to his resume. Spokesperson for Biotherm Homme, North America. He’s the guy all women dream of having (when he’s not leaving Carrie stranded at the altar that is) and Biotherm hope it encourages women to buy up their new Force Supreme range for their man.
“Chris Noth is the perfect Biotherm Homme Ambassador”, said Marie-Josee Lamothe, Vice-President General Manager for Biotherm, North America in a release. “While always exuding a casual, suave and elegant attitude, Chris manages to create a bond with his audience remaining accessible and relatable to both men and women equally, values which are important to Biotherm. Charismatic and simple, Chris is a natural fit with the brand.”
It’s not Mr Big aka John James Preston Chris Noth’s first modeling gig, he had previously front LG advertising campaign for a new line of mobile phones (pictured). The first Chris Noth for Biotherm Homme ads will appear in time for the Canadian 2009 Fashion Christmas Books.
Chris Noth you use a miracle cream,
the wrinkles and furrows wash out like a dream.
I’ve seen it being used on something before,
I think it was polish on the kitchenette floor.
No. 101. “Jet black” for men,
away with the grey, its good stuff “ye ken”.
A wee dab here and a wee dab there,
gives you a mop of fine black hair.
It glints in the limelight, and offers lens flare,
the crowds are agog, at the sight of your hair.
Appearance is premium, at this show tonight,
you puff out your chest, with all of your might.
Your appearance of late has really changed,
I think your becoming a little deranged.
A mid life crises, may be the reason,
springtime vanity, it is certainly the season.
Your butt has reduced at an alarming rate.
going, going, gone! oh no its too late!
You have nothing left for Tara to grab,
you will have to get feeding on some tubs of lard!
Restoring your butt, will take patience and time,
no problems says you “Im a man in my prime”.
Give me some cakes a biscuit or two,
“I’ll soon have my butt winking at you”.
It is an art, getting your butt to wink at folk,
“Its no problem for me, after all, I’m a bloke”.
You act out good qualities, that women do like,
Occasionally your told to “get on yer bike”!
Your butt is so neat, and tidy,
I ogle it often, but mostly on Friday.
Your legs are light brown and hairy,
a wee bit rough for a kiddies “tooth fairy”.
Your butt’s so fine, you could swipe through a visa,
you better not grimace, in case of a seizure.
But then again you could try an Express,
but maybe that, would, be too much of a mess.
You have become a product icon for men,
with that name that sounds like Bionical Gem.
It pulls out the creases and makes you all smooth,
a bit like pink plaster, to fill out the grooves.
So every morning, get out your trowel,
fill it with muck, and sort out your scowl.
A wee dod here, and wee dod there,
better be careful, not in the hair.
Your previous wrinkles, were nice and homely,
something to climb into when feeling all lonely.
A bit of spare baggage under your sockets,
could come in handy when you run out of pockets.
But now, theres no more swags and tails,
unless, the innovative rollerball fails.
Your versatile image can run rough or smooth,
but you have to remember to fill in the grooves.
You might try some sanding, if there are runs,
Grade 1, 2 or 3. leave 4. for the buns.
A buffer could help with that finishing glow,
the speed settings, not high, but on medium to low.
What year were you born is the topic just now,
I think it was when they invented the plough.
A little hint would go a long way,
and Kuriously it would brighten my day.
At the oscars, you looked so fine,
all the photographer snapped, one at a time.
Your bow tie looked a little bit off,
but generally you looked like a Toff.
I see that you were up for an auction last week,
and from what I hear, willing to bare one cheek.
Daring to bare, and making it nude,
I hope that the prize, is not misunderstood.
I bet you a fiver,
to do a ‘Godiva’.
On a future “good wife” set,
Your ego being active, its just too attractive,
I think I might just be in debt!
If that were to happen, your fans will be clapping,
mass hysteria will surely break out.
Half the ghirlies are ranting, some of them panting,
and one of them holding a pout!
So come on Chris Noth if you get on to twitter,
I’ll send you a spud in the form of a fritter.
A greasy wee dish will help you fill out,
if you are very lucky, you might even get gout!
One final exclaim!,
I know its quite lame.
But, obsession is no laughing matter,
I think you should know, this text will go slow,
as I’m now running out of “patter”!
……………………………………………
Okay chris Noth, I should explain,
I was a little bit rash on that “final exclaim”,
my kuriousity, is getting the better of me,
I can’t make my mind up, about you, you see!
I dont want you, to get the wrong notion,
as I am taken myself, with completed devotion.
So don’t send me flowers, chocolates or toast,
unfortunately you’ve been pipped at the post.
I have admiration for you, and your butt,
but don’t be afraid, Im just an average nut.
So don’t get alarmed, at all this attention,
The voo doo dolls, we wont even mention.
I usually make my mind up in five.
but with you I cannot derive.
Im on the fence, undecided, unclear,
Are you good or bad? please give me a steer!
I admire you, and I cannot see why?
perhaps it because your an alright guy.
Or maybe Im wrong and your a horrible git,
Concluding my story I’ll feel like a twit!
Your a great advertiser, for all the big names,
do you think they would mind, if it was part of my game.
I could write them a rhyme, with some music and time,
if you think its worthwhile, just tweet me a sign.